My dogs are a very important part of my life. Some people refer to their pets as their fur-children, but I call the dogs my companions as they are much better mannered than my children. For example:
- They never ask to borrow the car or for money.
- They don’t tell me my music is lame.
- They don’t swipe my DVDs.
- They have never put naked pictures of a friend on my computer.
- They don’t invite their friends over to sit on my couch and eat my food.
Like most people, I have a blind spot when it comes to my dogs. When I look at them I see this:
Unfortunately, everyone else sees this:
In reality, this is what the dogs look like:
Breed: Australian Cattle Dog/Border Collie, aka blue heeler, Queensland heeler, biting little bastard.
Birthday: February 14, 2006
Weight: 60 pounds
Otis was destined to live in a tiny kennel with his mother, father, aunt and two siblings, so I took him when he was 4 months old. He is the biggest sissy I’ve ever met, but he’s smarter than most people I know. I never had to teach him anything because he was born knowing it. He never leaves my side and finger snaps or gestures are all that’s necessary to get him to do what I want.
Breed: Lab cross, aka dumb black dog.
Birthday: June 2005
Weight: 70 pounds
Maggie was a shelter dog I picked up in November of 2006 after the neighbor’s pit bull killed my Pomeranian. It became apparent really fast why she was there. She was destructive to furniture, she was a runner, she couldn’t obey a single command and she HATED her name. Her previous owners called her ‘Logan’ and this word would cause her to take off at a full run or duck her head and sulk.
I changed her name to Maggie and started teaching her that while running away was BAD, she wasn’t going to be spanked or punished for returning. I taught her to sit, lie down, walk on a leash, ride in the van, and to come when called. She is a very loveable dog who needed someone with patience to teach her how to be a good dog.
Breed: Boxer/Dalmation, aka crazy-ass
Birthday: December 22, 2004
Weight: 80 pounds
A co-worker gave Sienna to me two years ago when she learned she was pregnant (the co-worker, not the dog). Sienna is a BIG girl and she was raised with an ambivilent owner. Bad behaviour wasn’t encouraged, but it wasn’t discouraged either. This made Sienna think she was the alpha in the house. It came as sort of a shock to her when she learned that I am the alpha in all situations.
This is a dog who will defend me to her death. She is fiercely loyal and no person or other animal better think they will do me harm. She is very loveable and is happiest when she is laying on me, crushing me with her fatness.
Birthday: January 2009
Weight: 40 pounds (runt)
Halo is my newest edition. I got her from the shelter in September after my son left for college. We are still getting to know one another. I have learned she’s an escape artist, which is why she was at the shelter. She is also very frantic in her quest for attention with bad nipping, jumping, and face licking behaviour. I’m her third owner in less than a year and she’s here to stay, but that shit has GOT to stop.
Stop, Drop and Roll –When your “smart” dog, isn’t.
House of a Thousand Animals –Fleur, the Duck and four stupid dogs.
Sienna, the Theiver –If there was a jail for dogs, Sienna would be in it.
Duck and Dogs –Another tale of Fleur and four stupid dogs.
Cher, the Demon Dog of Arrowhead Drive –Horrible dog.
Xerxes! –My daughter’s dog and her odd preoccupation.
New Year’s Resolution –Losing weight and terrorizing the dogs.
Halo, the Destroyer –Someday she’ll grow out of it.
Burial Day –Getting rid of something ugly.
Play, Dogs. Play! –A day at the lake.