for the recent spate of home improvement projects that have left me nearly paralyzed. There was a time when I was content to sit on my ever-widening ass and waste time on the internet. Then I found Pinterest and all the cool things you can do yourself. And like any good obsessive compulsive with attention deficit disorder I bought stuff to do four projects at once.
1. The outdoor faucet. It froze and broke…oh, I think the first year I lived here, so that would be seven (7) years ago. Since then I’ve ran a hose from my bathroom for outside water because that’s so much easier than fixing the damned faucet. Cost to fix: $34. Time to fix: a little over an hour. Worst part of the job: crawling under my house with all the spiders. At least it was cool.
2. The dog fence. I have built fence after fence after fence, and the little bastards tear it down, jump over it, or dig under it. It seems I’ve spent most of my life (and money) building fence. Last summer I bought a few hog panels (heavy duty metal wire, 5 feet tall and 16 feet long, that not even hogs at feeding time can tear down) to see if they would work. No sense in spending a shit ton of money on yet more fencing material that allows my dogs to run free. In a year, the dogs weren’t able to dig under, jump over, climb, or tear down the hog panels so I bought more. Cost to fix: $220. Time to fix: all damned day. In the heat. Worst part of the job: I’m cut in a thousand places from the old wire. I’ll probably get tetanus and die.
3. My deck steps. No matter which steps I use, I’m taking my life in my hands every time I go up or down. The back steps are completely rotted out and the front steps are missing boards. It looks like rednecks live here. I bought 2x6s to fix the risers, and 2x12s to replace the supports. Fixing my steps and painting them is my Thursday project, and I will post pictures when they are finished. Cost to fix: $40 Time to fix: this project involves power tools and measuring. I’m sure there will be cussing, too. It could be days. Worst part of the job: the aforementioned power tools and measuring.
4. While at the lumber yard picking up supplies for my steps, I scored some free pallets. Yes, most people view these as junk, but again I blame Pinterest. There are a thousand things you can do with pallets, but since I have a short attention span, I’m going to build a bench, and since I’m obsessive compulsive, I’m going to build 6 or 10 of them. Plus, one of the pallets would make the cutest gate for my front yard (oh yeah, the old wire that’s still in good condition is going around the front part of my yard. I don’t have one yard. I have a dog yard, a duck yard and a cat yard. Nothing’s simple here.)